musing #2

I just had a pretty profound thought (if I might say so myself) that has been building over the past few weeks. I revisit this thought often and only now have I really felt the weight of my thoughts. So it might not come as a surprise to you that I've been seeking out religion for the past few years, and Pan Man got me enrolled in RCIA at the local Catholic church. I was initially pretty opposed to it since I am quite deeply entrenched in two Presbytarian cell groups in Singapore, both of which I have found to be very inspiring and spiritually quite nourishing. But it really cannot compare to my experience in RCIA. The benefit of being a member of two cell groups in Singapore is that you get to read the bible with like-minded individuals twice a week, which is 2 times more than in RCIA, where you only meet once. But add to that the obligations of going to mass and dismissal, and I guess the fact that with RCIA it is a continuous 10 month thing, whereas with the SG cell groups I can only really attend when I'm back in Singapore, I feel that my faith and love for God has grown exponentially.

I'm not gonna lie, at this point in time I'm more comfortable with God, and then the Holy Spirit, and then Jesus, then Mary, in that order. To me, I still find the whole Jesus-son-of-God-who-became-Man a little iffy.. I don't know, it's not that I don't accept it, it's just that to me, it's like a story, you know? something that you read and say "oh, that's nice" or "oh, that made my tear" or "oh, that really touched me", but then you put the book down and you go on with your daily life. Same with Mary (I suppose I should be calling her Mother Mary) It's like, co-redemptrix? Good on you, wow you really must have done a lot to deserve that title! The rosary "Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, Amen" speaks to me, especially after listening to Father Tom talk about the significance of Mary in the Catholic Church, and I find it pretty cool that Mary can intercede on our behalf because she understands us like she understood her child, Jesus.

But still the whole "Jesus" thing still really itched, and I say itched because it was a persistent annoyance in that how could I call myself a Christian if I didn't believe in Jesus? I think that is the ultimate factor that sets Christianity apart from the other religions. So, to clarify, every time someone asked me if I am a Christian, I'd say that I'm working towards it. If they asked me what denomination, though, in the past I would say Presbytarian and now Catholic, because simply asking the denomination did not suggest that I am a practicing Christian, just which denomination I identify more with.

Ok, so coming back to my thought. Through these really dark days, and dark nights,  there have been so many rifts between me and my family at times I have felt like I have lost my sisters irrevocably, and recently, I've felt that I've lost my whole immediate family, parents included. It is the most sickening and heart-aching feeling to have felt that you have been cast away from your family, to be torn out from the family tree, all the fibers that had been woven between you and your individual family members be shredded. And oh, the pain. The real desperation and yearning for those days when everything was still alright. I'm really not exaggerating, I can truly say that these have been the most trying time of my life. And over the past week, contemplating my mother's words to me (which she now of course retracts), feeling like my whole family is lost, I remembered Matthew 8:18-22

The Cost of Following Jesus

¹⁸ When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. ¹⁹ Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.”
²⁰ Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
²¹ Another disciple said to him, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”
²² But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”

and specifically this passage because while in Singapore I felt that I could not stay at home, it was no longer my home. And true enough, my room was filled with the junk that they had moved from other rooms, and my aunt was living in it (no fault of hers, she is our guest). But they had not made any attempts to clear my room and yet insisted that I stay at home? I found that very contradictory. 

But primarily this passage because it tells me not to hate my family (as in Luke, since honestly they are not evil anti-Christ and are entitled to their own feelings), but that sometimes, you just have to leave your family behind and pursue your life and your beliefs. Me deciding to marry Mr Pan at all costs came with a dear cost that I had never anticipated-- my family. It was a stunning shock to me, and Pan and I shed many, many a tear over this whole debacle. It is almost a year and has not been fully resolved, and I regret to say that my elder sister has not spoken to me in approximately a year and a half, maybe two. 

I am not using this bible passage to satisfy my own whims and selfish desires regardless of what my family opines would be the better choices that I and/or with Mr Pan should have taken, but I believe that we are working towards a strong and wholesome Christian life together. Together we are so strong, and we are so loving, and we are so good, I really don't think I would be as good a person without him, and similarly for himself. When we fight we sometimes bring out the worst in each other, sure, but all other times we nourish each other and bring out such goodness that I marvel at what an amazing boy he is. And I wish, I wish that my family can see that. 

Then I thought to myself, why the heck not? How can they be so blind? Are they choosing deliberately what they want to see and what they don't want to see? Yes, possibly, and could one other possibility be that God has kept them blind, is letting me wander in this loveless desert so that I can truly feel what it means to be rejected and shunned and spoken to harshly for one's own faith? Granted mine is more so a faith in love than a faith in religion, but the magnitude of what I feel as a result in my faith in love led me to reflect on how Jesus felt about himself, his rejection from his earthly "family" and his belonging to another kind of family. And it made me think, "yikes, that must have hurt so badly", and made me reflect more on the life of Christ. IF Jesus really went through all that he has gone through, and felt the same pain, nay, more of that kind of pain that I did, then wow. What grace and humility he did show. What love and pure goodness of the heart to turn the other cheek and say "I love you and I forgive you", and mean it! Sometimes I indulge in day-dreaming where I see my sister and give them a hug and a kiss and say to their amazed faces with genuine sincerity "I love you and I forgive you for all your transgressions against me" and I feel so warm and good inside, and so smug outside. And yet, I have not done it, and the fact that I can feel smug about these thoughts tell me that I probably don't really mean it, I am just enjoying the fact that I can even come up with these good, Godliness-centric thoughts. Wow do I need help, huh. 

So yes, that was my thought. I really want to spend more time on this thought and grow my love for Christ, to be able to say "Man, do I love Him" and mean it. To really feel it. Isn't it weird? Right now I feel like it's like saying "I love Dior, their perfume is just so delicious", or "I LOVE my car, it's so reliable and utility.", although sadly right now I'd probably have more feelings about the car since I actually drive it than about Christ cuz he's like, totally fictional (to me) right now.
  
I guess I know what I'm going to pray for tonight. God has been so good to me, (also have I told you, He's totally kept me safe on the roads on several (3) harrowing occasions) I hope he can help me out with just this one more thing. 

musing

so, i was super contemplative last night, and i thought i should just jot some thoughts down, coherent or not.

met with two really good friends of mine, and when i say really good, i mean i would call one of them my best friend, and the other, one of the only friends i've felt that i should keep in touch with. *more on this later

i was really looking forward to meeting up with them and catching up on old times. you know, heart-to-heart and really connecting. i have a thing about connecting. i need to feel intensely, absolutely, purely connected. there is no thrill like that in the world-- the feeling of being "one" with each other, completely and sublimely together. and hey, that can be done with your friend ok, it doesn't have to be just with your spouse. Pan's youngest sister shared with me a quote the other day that she said rocked her world, and honestly, it took my breath away as well. it read "Moments like this act as magical interludes, placing our hearts at the edge of our souls: fleeting, yet intensely, a fragment of eternity had come to enrich time. Elsewhere the world may be blustering or sleeping, wars are fought, people live and die, some nations disintegrate, while others are born, soon to be swallowed up in them, and in all this sound and fury, amidst eruptions and undertows, while the world goes its merry way, bursts into flames, tears itself apart and is reborn, human life continued to throb."

and that throbbing of my heart when that magical interlude falls upon us, wow. you can literally feel time, your time being etched in crystal for all eternity, yours to keep. it has happened many times with D, whom i would call my best friend, but like in many relationships, time and space seem to have brought us in different directions, and i feel like i cannot connect with her as well. it's like you're probing, probing, feeling in the dark for the other hand to hold on to, only to realize later on that all your efforts were futile because she was somewhere else.

i'm gonna be honest here, i felt like a country mouse next to town mouses D and X talking. while they yabbered on about people whom i have forgotten about/never bothered to cultivate a relationship with/have never met but have heard so much about, i am dismayed by the realization that my mom had warned me that living in the midwest has turned me into a country bumpkin, which i had angrily and egoistically rejected.

maybe it is true. while X had on sexi mini shorts, a see-through blouse and kick-ass earrings (not to mention a totally gangster dragon tattoo around her waist), and D had on silhouette-flattering all-black work clothes, i was in a blue and white summer frock and a grey sweater, looking completely the part of a frumpy FOB. i had nothing witty to say, no important musings to contribute nor idealistic impressions to impress upon them. i had nothing but a orange-scented home-made body scrub to offer as a present to D, that and a beer-drinking gut (thanks, Midwest breweries).

what do I do now? do i bow to the seductive powers of Singaporean society and wriggle my way back in, mascara and sex-appeal in excess? or do i quietly make my way back to the midwest and great danes and my elderly neighbors with whom i have so tenderly made friends with? have i gotten it all wrong? have i misunderstood Singaporean culture? D told me about her group of friends (background: all rich and well connected by birth or marriage, SMU kids, cultured and well-travelled, fabulous and met through SMU cheerleading) (yeah, cheerleading. i'm stereotyping now, so bite me.) who all coincidentally are travelling in Europe now; all the big cities-- Barcelona, Paris, Milan, etc-- and alas! D is there every year for work but this year, what fate-- she is not, so they whatsapp her for her suggestions on where to eat in Versailles. Look, i don't mean to be snarky, D has worked her ass for all her experiences and to get to where she is, but really. does one not see how privileged and utterly frou-frou their lives are? just to be able to spout eating places in Versailles speaks acres about their global conquests.

maybe i have gotten it wrong. D told me how one of those friends had forgotten to bring her makeup bag with her on her trip and i asked, false sympathy apparent "oh no, how was she coping?' and D's forehead scrunched, as if she could not comprehend how i could be so shallow to think that her friends could not live without makeup. maybe i am the shallow one for assuming people live like that? maybe i assume that people make friends through similar outfits and made-up faces?

maybe's aside, how can i identify myself with a group of friends like that? let it be clear, this is not a case of sour grapes. i don't wish to be part of this group, or anything close to it. i don't, i just cannot see myself as being part of a clique.

ironically, that same day in the afternoon, in a restaurant  4 doors down the road from where X, D and I met for dinner, Mr Pan, his mom, said youngest sister and i had lunch, where i remarked to sister "when someone tells you she doesn't belong to any clique, it's usually simply because she doesn't have any friends". i speak from experience because i certainly have no true group of friends. I make friends quickly, but am just as quick to disconnect because (this is where the * would link to) i simply don't feel the ability to connect as sublimely. or the desire to search for that connection with them. when that connection is not there, i feel as if it's not anything i want, that there's nothing much in it for me. maybe i am just greedy.

with D, like i said, there were so many moments, like lying in her parents bed wondering about the future, like walking down the road in the dead of the night talking about life. with X, it was the many nights we binge drink like huge party sluts, and i help her up to vomit in public (i am quite a champ). who else can i feel this unadulterated sense of life with? who else can i connect with to feel the truth of the world and of the universe? how can i make that connection? i am 26, doing research at a university, and waiting to hear back about my phd application. where, how, why, when, will i ever feel the same wild abandon that irrevocably tied me to these random strangers so that i can call them my friends?

i don't know. i just feel a yearning to call them back.

i look to the past so often, many times in my dreams i fall back through time into those days. i can accurately remember my primary school building, my friends' faces as they were when they were 10, i can remember my old homes and fears, feelings and activities. i yearn for those days as intensely as i yearn for happiness. i ache inside for my soul to rekindle the type of emotions i once felt. but does that mean i am not happy now? no, i am as comfortable and happy as i could ever be. i am fortunate for the family i have acquired for myself. acquire, i say because i have worked, i have made choices, i have made sacrifices for them. all conscious, all deliberate; "I am the master of my fate:I am the captain of my soul." i have what i desire, and yet what more i desire, i cannot have because it is in the past.

 Mr Pan told me last night, after i had disclosed some of these thoughts to him, that people change. our goals in life have changed course, people head in different directions. i agree with him, but in my heart i feel defeated by time and space for taking way the ones i love and loved to spend time with. i feel cheated by life, i feel jealous that they have moved away from me, and i am angry that we are no longer on the same planes of thought.


i need to get back to writing-- this felt good. completely self-centered but good.

It's increasingly hard to put my thoughts together, which is very scary since I'm applying for a graduate program here in Indiana. HELP! But the raw truth about that is that it is so debilitating to me as a person. I can't string coherent sentences without..


sorry, spacing or blanking out, I can't have decent, meaningful conversations with other people without resorting to the words "you know?" (know, they don't), "I don't know how to explain it," (evidently), or "it's sort of like.." (really, it isn't, and you're only just confusing them further).

It's also become so much harder for me to concentrate on any one thing at one time, blogging included. I just want to scream!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But today I felt like I needed to be productive. I was also cautious about being too ambitious-- we all know how those days go-- so I decided to just do something small. Something creative, cost-effective, yummy, and small (yummy is bolded because if it ain't yummy, it ain't worth it). I decided to do some vietnamese refrigerator pickles. Have you had Vietnamese cuisine? Oh, you MUST try it.. It's out of this world. And if you have (aside from Pho, duh (get it, it rhymes OH i'm on a roll here ladies!)) you've almost certainly had these garnish-like things called Do Chua.

 

(image credits: http://www.teaandcookiesblog.com/2008/12/pickled-stuff.html) 

And if you are like me, you would have researched on at least 5 different do chua recipes to ascertain the best, most delicious, most fool-proof recipe, and then cited them all (here, here, here, here and here), and then given up because you can't choose one to just freakin' follow! So stop hyperventilating and listen, honey, to the words of my sagacious wisdom. Do chua will vary in taste from maker to maker. What is really important is that you balance the tastes to your desire. Know that there are really only 4 ingredients to your brining solution: 

Hot water

Vinegar

Sugar

Salt 

And then your veggies. A typical do chua as I've had it in Vietnam, had more daikon than carrots; in fact, the carrots seemed to play the sole part of providing color contrast. The daikon was the primary root. That means that you can play around with the ratios of carrots to daikon. In fact, you'll see below that my do chua doesn't even look like it has any daikon in it.. 

You're right. See, I was at Kroger on my way home and I noticed these bags of broccoli and carrot slaw on sale. They looked kinda dry, but still edible, so I picked up a couple of bags with the purpose of trying out this recipe and making a salad for dinner. Guess what? BINGO. The texture of the broccoli stem was very similar to daikon, and oh man, thank goodness I wouldn't have to julienne all those freakin' carrots and daikons into matchsticks! To me, personally, the thickness of each piece matters. I HATE how some restaurants give you thick, ugly stems.. It just doesn't represent Vietnamese food well, what with the emphasis on a balance of tastes, textures, presentation, temperatures.. Ok, I'm going to stop rambling now. Now you get what I mean about my issues putting an entry together? Very trying.

So. In 5 sentences: combine all the brining ingredients together in a glass jar/bowl, stir until homogenous and taste it. Detect the sweet, the sour and some saltiness to it-- if something is amiss, add a little more here and there until you are satisfied. I used about 1/2 cup of vinegar to 1 cup water to 1 tsp salt to 4 tbs sugar. Don't worry! If it doesn't taste right, you can always fix it later.

Another 5 sentences: Put some groovy music on and whip out your bottle of patience/vodka-- you're gonna need it if you're julienning all these veggies. Or else, cheat and get a bag of that slaw like meeeee! How much veggies to chop up? Well, as much as you'd like to have! The bag I used was 10 ounces total and fit perfectly into one quart-sized mason jar. 

Last 5 sentences: Stuff the julienned veggies in the jar, top off with the brining solution-- the proportions above should fit nicely into a quart-sized mason jar. Not enough solution? Make some more! Use a glass container instead of plastic due to the acidic nature of the solution. Some recipes suggest a 10 minute brining time before consuming, others say 3 days, and personally I think it depends on your needs and preferences and thickness of the julienned veggies, but whatever the case, store in the fridge and enjoy!

Did you really count to see if I made the self-imposed sentence limit? Well, then, you're just neurotic.

Hiiiiiiii..


Well, isn't this awkward. I guess I haven't posted in a long time, and I feel weird trying to resume a nonchalance about posting recipes.. like "Hi! Missed me?" only to hear crickets, and people giving me crazy eyes before turning back to their drinks.. Oh yeah I forgot to lay the scene for you-- I was pretending to enter a bar.


Thing is, I HAVE been cooking a lot, and making some damn good food, but these pictures.. this sterile layout.. is killing me. And when I had so excitedly told my friend about how I wanted to revamp things completely (urgh let's not go there) it came to naught. So I'm sorry to have to subject you to this, but.. All this (WAVES HANDS WIDELY) is going to be here for a while (sucks in breath).. yeap, yeap, yeap.

and, not to list excuses, but everytime I cook something, I just go straight to eating it. No photographs, no piling the food nicely on a plate.. I just want to shove it in my mouth. Have I told you? Winter is almost here. I think it's a seasonal thing.

so.

well.

What do I have for you? I have made some DEEEEELISHHHHIOUSSS items, to whet your appetite, how about a Cantonese-styled Claypot rice? I also made several varieties of pasta, had great results with a pork schnitzel (I AM SO PROUD!) and also, a very delicious pumpkin bread that I unfortunately have eaten and cannot make again since Julian is opposed to pumpkin. Remind me again, why did I marry him?

Because he maketh the hearth melt-eth so..

 So get ready to rumble! I will be posting some kick-ass recipes soon. Also, just know that it will take a while.. I'm going back to nap. 

blueberry jam, noch einmal

and so yes, I revisited the great blueberry jam adventure of July 2013. I mean, wouldn't they make awesome presents for friends back home? Friends who have never attempted to can or pickle veggies, or jar fruit and preserves? Basically, if I might say so with a hint of contempt, urbanites? Good Gravy, urbanites. I'd be the hippiest of the lot, the kid so in touch with Mother Nature, I'd might as well give birth, natural-birth style, while singing battle-hymns from Enya.

No thanks.

Honestly, there isn't much for me to add, except that these traveled very well packed snugly in a suitcase. Can I just repeat this? I can't help myself.

that said, proper measurements and instructions, I think, are in order:

MTHWL Blueberry Jam

produces just over 80 oz of jam


ingredients

5-6 pints of blueberries to produce 6.5 cups of crushed berries (directions below)
3.5 cups of sugar; reserve the half cup for mixing into the pectin (so 3 cups of sugar in a big bowl, then half cup of sugar in a small bowl to be mixed in with the pectin)
1 packet of sure-jell pectin for reduced sugar recipes (pink box)
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup lemon juice (freshly squeezed or otherwise)

special equipment 

10x 8 oz canning jars, or any other container, cleaned and sterilized **
1 medium and 2 large, tall pots (if possible, if not, one will do, but processing the jam will take longer)
steaming racks or canning racks to suspend jars in hot water (i've read that towels folded over and lain on the bottom of the pot works too, but have never tried it. i should though)
funnel (ideal), or a pair of steady hands, a ladle, and a hot, clean, sterilized moist towel to wipe up drips (drop it into the pot of boiling water sitting on the side)
special immediate note: be kind to yourself and check to make sure that even after standing your jars upright on the steaming rack (or otherwise) in your tall pot, there is at least 4 inches of space above it to account for the boiling water. see if you can fit all 10 jars (I highly doubt it) in one of your large pots. if not, you will need another, or have to process the jams in two batches)
jar-lifter, secure tongs, or any other smart apparatus to help you pull your jars of processed jams out of the boiling water



directions

1) clean and sterilize your canning jars. I've used a quart jar before to gift to Pan's mom and pyrex containers for quantities that I will be consuming immediately at home, and thus doesn't need to be sealed, but in general, i find 8 and 12 ounce jars to be the most ideal for gifting and personal consumption.

I clean and sterilize my jars by running them through the washing machine, and then drying them off quickly by popping them into the oven set to 240 dF. I only take them out of the oven just before I ladle the jam in. That way, I am assured that the jars and lids are kept clean.

 

2) Place a metal spoon and plate in the freezer to test that the jam has set. (I always forget this step and scramble to prepare some ice water as a substitute) At this time, I also place the one/two large, tall pots filled a third with water on a medium heat so that it gets to a unbearably warm temperature by the time it is needed.

3) prepare your berries. I find that 5 very fresh pints of berries would suffice, although to be very careful, I'd buy 6, just in case you come across some mouldy or badly bruised berries. Rinse them several times in water, removing all bruised and battered berries, stems, or foreign material.

Pulse them in your blender using the chop function until barely chopped up. You will still get several whole berries, and that's fine. Too smooth, and you'll likely get a blueberry spread-texture instead of a chunky, fruit-filled jam. I do this in batches, measuring out 6.5 cups of chopped fruit, and transfer it into the medium-sized pot. 

4) Place your pot on a medium heat. Add your water, lemon juice, and your sugar-pectin mix, stir until the sugar and pectin has been thoroughly distributed and dissolved. Turn up the heat and let your mixture come to a rapid boil (ie the mixture does not stop bubbling even when you stir it). It will foam, and turn into a most worrying shade of magenta.

At this point in time, I would have taken my jars and lids out from the oven, and assembled them.

5) Pour in the rest of the sugar (3 cups) and stir away. Make sure that all the sugar is dissolved-- no lumps-- and bring it back up to a hard boil for one full minute. I'm not sure what the persnickity chemical reaction is that requires such diligent timing, but just give it your concentration for one minute. Don't let it boil past that timing, or under the timing.

6) Take out your frozen spoon and plate. spoon some of your jam out with the ladle and drip it onto the spoon and/or plate. Wait just a minute to see if it sets. It should seem firm to the touch, and should not run when you tilt the plate. Taste the jam on the spoon. You should be able to feel the "set-ness" of the jam on your tongue. It should take heavy from the fruit content; don't expect it to have a jelly-like consistency, though. It's not a jelly!

Once you are satisfied with the texture, work quickly to ladle/funnel it into the jars, wiping off spills immediately. Make sure that the rims and grooves are completely clean. Try to minimize the number of bubbles you form on the surface. If you do see any, take a sharp knife and burst them.

Screw on the lids tightly, and it's on to the second-last step-- the processing!

 7) Set your jars in your processing pots that have been prepared earlier. Take care that the water is not too hot-- or else the glass might crack from the sudden spike in temperature-- and top it off with cool water.  Your jars should be submerged in at least 2 inches of water. Arrange them snugly to make sure that they do not topple over. I suspect that will cause your jars not to seal properly-- this happened to one of my jars. Bring to a boil, and continue to boil for 5-10 minutes. Mine normally boil for about 8 minutes.

8) Check to make sure that all the lids are concave, and you can't press them down to make the popping noise which tells you that the seal has been compromised. As you can see above, all the seals are down, which basically means you've done well.  If some jars fail to seal, I've read that you should pour the jam out, bring it back to a boil, and basically reprocess the whole thing. Personally, I'd just eat that jar first, or give it to a close friend who trusts that you are not out to give them botulism, and tell them to eat it immediately. Honestly it's shouldn't be a big deal-- this stuff tastes so good on toast, yoghurt, baking, ice cream, pancakes and on it's own, it wouldn't last long enough to give you any cause for concern!

Set your jam jars aside in a cool, dark location to let them cool down and rest. Try not to mess with them! A neat trick I've learnt is to unscrew the rings, being careful not to upset the lids, to let them dry out. Can you see how the jars on the right of the picture above are ring-less?

Sure enough, when I unscrewed the lids, there was residual water left over from the processing. No wonder my lids kept on getting rusty! Don't forget to screw them back on before you gift them, though! :)

Blueberry Jam

Julian and I played soccer in the evening, and working out gave me a burst of energy so strong, that at one in the morning, I decided I was going to tackle making Blueberry Jam. It's currently 2:57, everything is done, most of the washing up has been completed (by me), and the jam is delicious. I WIN!

Photo credits http://health.usnews.com/health-news/diet-fitness/slideshows/8-superfoods-and-their-alternatives/2 (7/26/2013)

I wish I took more pictures, but more importantly, my notes:

I riffed off my favorite pick your own website and the jamming instructions that come with every packet of sure-jell pectin. Riffed because fearful as I am of botulism and inadvertantly giving someone food poisoning, I cannot, and will not, consume deathly sweet jam. It's just insane to cover up the delicious taste of fruit with so much sugar. I know I know, it's dangerous to reduce the amount of sugar in each recipe. It f-s up the jelling, it would not set, the food will not be preserved properly.. Yes, yes, but taste just matters more. Well, at least to me. So, I fiddled with the proportions and here's where things stand right now*:

From 5pints= 5 pounds of blueberries, after gobbling many and treating Poppy and picking out the mushy ones (and saving some as a snack tomorrow), I chopped up the rest in my blender and ended up with 6 cups of blueberries, which is 1/2 cup less than Ball, and significantly more than pickyourown. I also used 5 tbs of lemon juice (from the plastic lemon.. yes yes, i did not use fresh lemon juice, THE ABOMINATION!!) which is much more than the 1/4 cup = 4 tbs by pickyourown and suggested 2 tbs by Ball, 3.5 cups of sugar instead of the 4.5 that both recipes called for, 1 packet pectin, which is consistent with Ball and less than pickyourown, and instead of 1/2 cup of water as suggested by both, I felt dangerous and dribbled in less than that.

HA! I'm a rebel!

Yeah, I feel so badass! Except that I don't have that piercing, and umm, I'm not a boy. I also have ears, fyi.

So, taste test: I couldnt help but eat some, hot and unjelled. Top notes of true-blue blueberries and floral elements, middle notes of the countryside, and bottom notes of sugary sweetness. Still too sweet, damn it! But hey, I had stressed out about reducing the sugar and the whole batch not jelling, but that worked, so all's not lost?

So I guess my experiment showed me that my judgement about the sugar content is correct-- it should be reduced. But by how much? Well, only multiple experiments will tell. Until I get more canning jars and blueberries go on sale again, this is all i've got.

I seriously think that 2.75 cups of sugar could do it. Eh, maybe 3 cups next time. There is genuinely nothing sadder than your jam not setting. Wait, sorry, correction. No, I was very, very sad when one of my glass jars broke after I set it in the hot water. It just upped and died. I shouldn't have waited to put it in. Let that be a warning to all ye who make this jam! Place it in your hot water bath asap. If you can't fit all your jam jars into one pot, set another one up. And don't plonk it in. Ease it in gently like a newborn babe. Not that you would drop a baby into a pot of boiling water.. Would you?


Pictures in the morning! It's 3:22am you assholes, and I need to sleep.



EDIT: 

Pictures are in! Sorry, some of the shittiest photos I've ever taken. BUT! The jams are a beautiful, jewel-toned delight. They jelled well, and the result is a thick, fruity jam. I am glad I processed the fruit coarsely-- lots of delicious chunks that spread evenly enough without it feeling like a jelly. Very rustic and comforting-- check out the closeup of the jam in the pyrex.

 

  Chunky, luscious jam. I didn't bother canning this one because I was going to eat it the next morning and consume it within a week. 

 Just look at how it spreads.. Deep, rich color, studded with fruit pieces. Not too sweet.. Perfect even without butter. 


Surprisingly, not to sweet, even when eaten straight with a spoon. Perhaps 3.5 cups is truly a good balance. Any sweeter and it would have tasted store-bought. Well done, Michelle. And yes, I am gifting that quart jar to Pan's mom in return for afternoon teas. I am so looking forward to scones, cream and this gorgeous blueberry jam!


 


* I followed the cooked jam instructions that come with each packet of sure-jell pectin for less or no sugar (pink box).  I've never ever followed any recipe directly when canning, and I've only had successes the three times I've made jams and jellies (Pomegranate jelly, apple jelly, and this jam), so I'm sticking with it.

super simple garlic stir-fried kailan

This is a super simple veggie dish that takes literally minutes from start to finish, and will be a great accompaniment to noodles, rice, or potatoes. it's that versatile.

I'm using kailan, or Chinese broccoli. It's one of my favorites because the stem is sweet and crunchy; you want to retain that crunch when you cook it. It tastes like broccoli, but flavor and texture-wise, it's more superior. But you can substitute this dish with broccoli in a pinch.

Our kailan was flowering. so pretty! Too bad, you're going to be scalded in a pot of hot water soon. Heh heh heh.

I like to splice the stems so they cook thoroughly and are done the same time the leaves are done. That way you get fresh, lively-tasting veggies, not veggies that have been boiled to the point of death. Or as the Phantom of the Opera would say, "past the point of nooooo retuuuuurn.."

To do this, just slit the stem in half lengthways, and then slice them again to make quarters, but only slice about halfway through the stem so basically, half of the stem would be whole, a quarter will be sliced in half, and the last quarter is quartered. Just look at the one stalk at the bottom of the turquoise cutting pad above if you are confused.

I also pull of all the larger leaves and cut them in half lengthways. That way you don't have huge pieces of leaves in your mouth at one go.

Rinse them well in water. Sometimes they can be dusted in dirt.

Bring just enough water to cover them to a boil, and once at rapid boil, chuck all your vegetables in. Once the water comes back to a rapid boil, shut your burner off, and drain the water off.  The remaining water will steam up and keep your dish nice and moist.

Return your pot to the still-hot stove, add a tablespoon or two of your delicious garlic oil, season with salt, or if you prefer, soy sauce or even oyster sauce (very Cantonese), mix it up, and serve! *

It's really that simple. You just use the residual heat from your stove top to heat up the oil and mix your veggies up to coat them in the garlicky, salty goodness.  Today it is eaten as part of our lunch together with savory steamed fish and a peppery pork-rib soup.

* When do you use which? I tend to prefer salt over soy sauce for simple vegetable dishes. When the accompanying dishes are as light-tasting as our lunch was, I would just use salt. If not, the flavors of the oyster sauce might over-power the fish. I am a sucker for oyster sauce though. I'd lick it straight out of the bottle at times. Shhhhhhh..

beet tops beats beets

so many things have happened since, so how about a little pictionary to get us going?

So? So? Did you get it??? 

HEH HEH HEH. Like my girl Beyonce always said ,"if you like it then you should have put a ring on it". 

Ok. Back to food. 

Today I really want to talk about beets. Specifically, beet tops. We were at the farmer's market last weekend just browsing and enjoying ourselves, and towards the end, before we were going to leave for brunch (me hungry) my future mother-in-law thought we should get some nice red beets to roast for a salad. Good idea! I thought to myself, and since we were running out of time, I volunteered to quickly run and get some.

I had seen two farmers set up tables side by side, both full of deep red beets, so I made a bee-line straight for them. But when I got there, I was stunned with the ethical decision of which farmer to purchase from. I mean, how to do buy from one farmer and not the other? Especially when they were both looking at me, hoping to make the sale? I mean, one guy's bundles had bigger beets than the other, but is that reason enough to purchase from him? Could my greed for big beets truly lead me to prefer one person's contributions over another's? 

I mean, it basically looked like this: 

To a normal person, this should be a no-brainer. But I am no normal person. No, I'm Michelle Lee. 

Disclaimer: neither of them were pushy with me. They just had large, soulful yet kindly eyes that only hardworking farmers could possess, encased by crinkled, weathered skin full of crows-feet from toiling under the hot midwestern sun. Inside, my heart was crumbling like a nice, crumbly blue cheese. 

Damn this shit! It was hard. So I lingered, glancing surreptitiously from pile to pile, trying to make my mind up. Jeez man, it was a toughie. I mean, I've been through moral dilemmas deciding which orange to buy at the grocery store, but this, this was something else. This brought shopping to a whole new level of depravity. 

So I decided to test their culinary knowledge. I asked the dude on the right (the guy with the smaller beets) "Are these tops edible?", and he told me, fingering them gorgeous leaves with fat, dirt-encrusted fingers that yep, they were edible, just cut them off just after the leaves because the stems were too fibrous, and you can stir fry them with garlic and whatnot. 

"mmmmm", said my brain. Some of my garlic oil, a scattering of salt, maybe some bacon?

"I"LL TAKE 'EM!" I blurted out, even before I had started on a mental pros and cons list of which dude to buy from*. Shit.

Well, I can't undo what I said, so I handed over my four bucks and accepted my load. I looked at it. the beets were small and looked like they would have benefitted from another week in the ground. And then I glanced over again at the forlorn, defeater farmer to my left. (He was still smiling, bless his heart) His beets were bigger. Shit.

Curse me and my desire to make ethical choices! If I had gone with a caveman-eque instinct of bigger= better, I would have made an instantaneous, totally gratifying decision of buying the bigger beets. And yet I let myself be lowered into the pit of trickery by my own mind.

"These tops better be edible" I grumbled to my brain myself, and stalked off. **

 

Look at how beautiful these leaves are! They were seriously crisp after rinsing them in cold water-- they would literally shatter if I exerted too much pressure on the leaves. 

 

We had them for lunch the next day. Totes delicious. It tastes really earthy, like spinach. The deep red from the veins leach out, painting the whole dish a pretty pink.  This picture is from the end of the meal.

Here's the recipe. 

I highly recommend you get some fresh beets from your farmer's market for the freshest, most pesticide-free tops. 

Have you NOT had beets before??? Well, then, go get some. NOW! They are healthy, delicious, (insert: SUPPORT LOCAL!!!) and there are so many ways to eat them! I particularly like them roasted and then sliced up and served with meatballs, olives, some good bread and garlic oil for a light lunch. Or grated raw into a salad. Or boiled and cubed or pickled or pureed into a soup. 

Sautéed Beet Tops 

Serves 2-4 depending on the number of side dishes and how big (duh) your bunch of greens are

Ingredients:

A big bunch of beet greens, trimmed off where the leaves start, rinsed in cold water
1 tbs garlic oil
a generous pinch of salt
1/2 Chinese preserved sausage (I'm sure bacon or even Italian sausage would be a great sub) sliced thinly on the diagonal ***

Method:

Chop your beet leaves in bunches to a coarse chiffonade. So each leave is chopped approximately to 5 pieces lengthwise? Does that make sense? Will this picture below help? Can you see how this is one bunch and I went through from right to left making 5 cuts across the whole bunch from top to bottom?

Bring a heavy skillet to medium heat, when it starts to smoke, add your meat, stir to prevent burning. You can choose to either wipe off the oil rendered, or leave it as is. I choose to drain it off, because we eat a lot of animal fat is it is already, and I have this strange conviction that this grease is thicker and slicks heavier than vegetable oil. Don't want it here.

Add your garlic oil, let it brown, and add your salt now. It allows the salt to disperse around the leaves better, and you don't get some clumps of super salty leaves, and clumps of tasteless leaves.

Add your beet greens here, and stir vigorously. These leaves cook extraordinarily fast-- faster than spinach-- so a minute or two is sufficient on the stove. Once they wilt, immediately turn the heat off and keep on stirring. They will cook down quickly. Do not overcook. This photo below shows when it is done.

Serve as a side accompaniment to other dishes. Enjoy!

*for your info, this would have included the model and conditions of their trucks parked behind them, their wives' look and demeanor, their clothing and their personality. I mean, I'm SOOOO not shallow.


** maybe my brain had the last laugh-- the tops turned out to be a super delicious mistake. Fine, brain, you win.


*** I like Chinese sausage here because it's slightly sweet. If you use bacon, fry it til crisp, and then cut it up. If you are using Italian sausage, maybe you can consider making this dish with cubed potatoes? Somehow I think that some potato would be needed for that. 

Quintessential Garlic Oil

I don't know why it took me so long to come up with this, and I don't know why it took me so long to post this. It is imperative you have this at all times in your fridge!

So Pan and I are fans of garlic. I use it often, and there is a garlicky, peppery pork rib soup that we love to have which uses about 60 cloves at one go, so it's a no-brainer that we purchase lots of garlic. But peeling every single bulb is sometimes very trying on my nerves, especially when those papery skins go flying.. Sure there are little culinary tricks to help, but when i've got my wok to smoking point on the stove, and need to add the garlic quickly! quickly!, i don't want no fuss at all, ma'am.

So we buy garlic in bulk, and peeled. When we say bulk, we mean 3 pounds of no-fuss garlicky goodness. We give some away, but more often than not some of the garlic start to grow mould in the bag. Never thought it was possible, but trust me. It's not a pleasant sight.

Instead of letting it go to waste, or frantically try to incorporate it in EVERY dish, I decided one day to make a whole pot full of garlic oil. It's so simple, and it will change your life forever.

Start with smashing bulbs of garlic. You can work with as much or as little garlic as you'd like, but honestly if you're going to get into it, you might as well make a bigger portion. They keep well both in the fridge and freezer, and is so easy to use, you'll find yourself drizzling it over just about anything.

I've smashed them both using the flat side of a butcher's knife, and using a motar and pestle. No preference over either. You can do a coarse or fine smash, or a mixture. Frankly, I don't really care and neither should you. There are many other things to worry about, such as making sure your little fur baby doesn't pee on the carpet again, or that you remember to take the garbage out for pickup.

Go for a proportion of about 1 part garlic to 1.5 parts oil. You can play around as much as you like, but i've found that this ratio allows for a very aromatic and flavorful oil that isn't too pungent or weak. Just make sure that there is sufficient oil to cover the garlic as you heat it gently.

As mentioned, heat it gently, stirring occasionally. I let it sit on the stove for 1/2 hour, sometimes more. Make sure it does not burn. Don't go over an hour though, I did it once and somehow it didn't taste quite right.

Store in airtight container in the fridge. You can opt to strain out the garlic, or leave it in. I leave it in. Why waste? Mine is about a month old in the fridge and still going strong.

USES

1) Stir-frys
2) Vegetable soups
3) Salad dressing
4) Condiments (heat the oil with the garlic up until the garlic turns medium brown color-- you probably want a finer mash for this)
5) Dipping crusty bread
6) Making pasta sauces, both tomato-based and oil-based (eg aglio olio, anchovies etc)
7) Drizzling over home-made pizza
8) Drizzling over hummus and other creamy dips

go bananas with it!



PS: don't freak out if some garlic turn green. It's a harmless chemical process called oxidation. Proceed to eat.

My Bell Pepper (and pasta sauce) Soup

Yeah.. so I'm shameless. But don't you hate how pasta recipes just seem to always call for one and three quarters of a jar of tomato sauce? Not two, but one and three quarters. You'd almost always find a jar of pasta sauce in my fridge, poor babe.

This was my cure for the poor quarter cup of pasta sauce languishing away..


Red Bell Pepper and Pasta Sauce Soup

And actually, I'm not ashamed, because it is so, sooooo damned good. I used to think that celery was the vegetable of choice (I've had 6 bowls of that stuff in the past two weeks. Just thinking of it should make any normal person shudder, but I'd gladly dig into some right now!) but guess what? This takes the cake. A rich, decadent cake..


Recipe


1 red bell pepper (red>orange>yellow, NO green!)
1/2 vidalia onion, coarsely diced
1/2 russet baking potato, skinned and coarsely diced
1.5 tbs butter
2 tbs garlic oil
1/2 cup good chicken stock
1.5 cups water
Leftover tomato-based pasta sauce (marinara's the best)-- up to 1/3 cup.
salt, pepper to taste


There is only one additional step to this recipe, other than that, it's basically the same Mother Vegetable Soup recipe-- and that is to blanch the pepper in hot water so that the skin peels right off. You could char it so the skin blisters, but hey, too much work.

Bring a medium pot of water to boil. Score the skin of the pepper at the ends and top and around the sides. Once the water comes to a rapid boil, lower the pepper in, and let it boil away for about 10 minutes, turning occasionally so that all sides are boiled thoroughly.

Pour the hot water away and fill the pot with cold water to cool the pepper down. When cool enough to handle, peel the skin off. If you can't get it all off, it's ok.

Roughly dice, and you're ready to rock and roll!

In the same pot (wiped down of course), add the butter and garlic oil and let it sizzle at medium heat. Add your diced onion AND the bell pepper so that the pepper gets some of that hot action.

Stir fry for about 5 minutes-- you'll see the onion turning translucent, then add your diced potato. Season with salt and coarse black pepper, add in your pasta sauce. Fry until the edges are slightly brown (about 5 more minutes(, then add in the chicken stock and water. Bring to a boil, and let it simmer for 20 minutes.

Turn off the heat and let it cool before attempting to blitz it in the blender.

You're basically following the same Mother Vegetable Soup Recipe.. except that this time, the liquids are altered to make way for the pasta sauce. Also, the serving size is smaller. It might be because I couldn't stop spooning the stuff from the blender straight to my watering mouth?

I can imagine this being an excellent side to a grilled cheese sandwich, or if you were to crack an egg into the pot while reheating/bowl before zapping in the microwave or, oh! meatballs! this soup could be a super hearty meal on its own. 

Looking forward to lunch tomorrow! PS: I have the worst lighting ever.